


do i make you feel safe?

by markohasaskullearring



Series: "gay 80s mfs" courtesy of my friend kylie [1]
Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: He just likes what he likes, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, They love each other, because y'know thats not a totally overwhelming thing to do after you realize you're gay, bill centric, bill has internalized homophobia sorry, bill has no idea what to do with his hands, he also wont let himself cry, he's baby okay guys, i couldnt bring myself to use the f slur, im just a sucker for that anyway, oh yeah i almost forgot they make out, robert has a hidden diesease: he's a homosexual, ted has no internalized homophobia, ted is so soft, they are so soft, they just dont know it yet, tw for the word 'fairy', yeah i quoted that anti gay documentary that macdoesit watched
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26615221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markohasaskullearring/pseuds/markohasaskullearring
Summary: “The thing is,” Ted speaks a little softer, trying to catch Bill’s eye.“I don’t feel predatory.”Bill stops. His breathing slows.“What do you-”“Bill, I feel like this,” One of Ted’s hands creeps up the back of Bill’s neck. It’s so warm, and Bill can feel it tangle in his curls.“I feel these butterflies, and I want to make him feel safe.” Ted finishes.He leans in close, and he tilts his head. Bill is certain his heart skips a beat.“Do I make you feel safe?” Ted questions, his mouth inches from Bill’s.
Relationships: Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Series: "gay 80s mfs" courtesy of my friend kylie [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1936114
Comments: 28
Kudos: 155
Collections: billen ted





	do i make you feel safe?

A lot of time was spent in the garage. They couldn’t even really play instruments, but it was obvious they just stayed in there because they liked to revel in each other’s company.

Bill knew it was true, deep down at least.

He liked Ted’s company, in this strange way that tugged at his insides more than it tugged at his brain. Over the years he’d gotten used to it.

This is how normal people feel about their friends, Bill told himself over and over.

He’d gotten so good at this, ignoring that twisting in his gut that told him Ted was the _prettiest_ person he’d ever seen.

“It shouldn’t work like that,” he’d told himself before, “Boys don’t like other boys like that.”

Girls were supposed to go with boys in the way a guitar solo went with a nice piano piece.

Except Bill couldn’t stop thinking about the way a guitar would sound with a nice electric base.

He smacked his face with the heel of his palm. It was hard to ignore Ted, who’d dozed off against the wall to the right of him.

Bill stared at him silently. He tried to pinpoint where it came from, what of Ted’s features caused his stomach to flutter like it shouldn’t.

“Past the point of no return,” He sighed, resting his face on his knees, tucked up to his chest.  
He glared at Ted’s face as if that would make it better. It didn’t.

He’d reached the point of the night where he’d quit denying himself, and finally, finally, lets himself take in Ted’s eyelashes in that awful, despicable way, that boys shouldn’t do. Boys shouldn’t look at other boys like this.

It was decidedly non-non-heinous.

Bill shouldn’t want to pull Ted into his arms and hold him like this. His fingers itched painfully. He sighed again and inched closer to Ted’s side.

It felt like there was a big, empty chasm in his chest.

“Bogus,” He mumbled, letting himself reach out and brush Ted’s hair out of his face.

He’d given up hope that maybe it was Ted’s hair that had messed him up like this. It was long, shoulder-length and smooth, silky to the touch.

He used to tell himself that it made Ted look like a girl, and that’s why he felt this way.

The longer he waited, though, the more he found that it wasn’t just his hair. It was the way Ted laughed or the way his eyes crinkled up when he smiled.

It was the way he nodded his head more times than necessary, or maybe just the way he said “excellent”.

No, Bill realized, pulling his hand out of Ted’s hair, it was just Ted. It always had been Ted.

Bill let himself gaze at Ted again and shivered. They were going to have to move out of the garage.

October had just made its way into San Dimas, and the cold front left nothing to the imagination. A garage was no place to stay in this weather.

Ted was going to have to sleep over here. Sure, Captain Logan would be _most_ pissed off, but he was a dickweed anyway.

Bill finally made a move to stand, his beat-up converse scuffing on the garage floor. He rose to his knees and shuffled over to Ted.

“Ted, dude,” He swallowed thickly and shook his friend’s shoulder.

He couldn’t let himself be corrupted completely by these feelings. _It's like a game_ , he thought to himself, trying to get Ted to stir, _if I pretend hard enough, it makes them go away._

Ted rolled a little and grabbed Bill’s wrist, pulling him down.

“Whoa-”

Bill hit the ground with a muffled thump down beside him. “Ted, dude,” He looked over. Ted was awake now, staring at him with hazy eyes, still holding Bill’s wrist.

Bill’s heart jumped and a nervous twang struck in his stomach like a snapped guitar string.

Ted blinked.

“What are you doing down there?” He spoke through a heavy yawn, and Bill’s stomach fluttered. He told himself to cut it out.

“It’s, uh, it’s _your_ arm, dude.” Bill stammered.

Ted looked down.

“Sorry, my most excellent colleague.”

The corner of his lips turned up into a soft dopey grin, and Bill…was _not_ looking at his lips. He _wasn’t_ thinking about them- “dammit.” He mumbled out loud. He watched Ted’s smile drop.

“Are you feeling alright, dude? You look most heinous right now.” Ted let go of Bill’s wrist, and _fuck, fuck fuck_ , Bill wasn’t thinking about how Ted’s fingers were tracing their way across his skin _slowly_ -

Ted pressed the inside of his wrist against Bill’s forehead and suddenly his face was hot, _way_ too hot. He scrambled across the floor away from Ted.

“Dude, I’m-”

“What was that about?” Ted cut him off, clearly concerned. He tilted his head, ‘like a puppy’, Bill’s terrible brain thought up helpfully.

“I’m-” Bill paused. “I’m just probably getting sick.” He nodded quickly, looking pointedly at the floor. “Yeah, I’m just sick, you should- we should-” He tried to think of something else to say, but his brain failed him this time.

“I’m sick.” He muttered, meaning it more of the mental way and less of the physical way.

Ted laughed apprehensively, “Bogus, dude, you were fine before I fell asleep.” He scooted closer to Bill.

“What’s got you feeling most unsavory?” Bill was so very aware of Ted’s warmth next to him. He could feel Ted’s leg bouncing from where it was pressed up into his thigh.

“Ted, I’m just-” His eyes stung and his throat closed up. He shook his head as hard as he could.

“I think I’m fucked up.” Bill continued. He shrunk down until he’d made himself successfully smaller. Ted slid his hand gently down Bill’s back.

“Dude, I thought we were past this already?” Ted asked, confused. “Just because we wanna be a band doesn’t make us-”

Bill slapped Ted’s hand as it crept up onto his shoulder. Bill felt the sharp inhale that came after and _hated_ himself for being the reason for it.

“I’m fucked up okay?”

His voice cracked pointedly on the ‘okay’.

“Bill, you’re not fucked up. That’s non-non-non-non-heinous of you to say.”

Bill shook his head. “Then why do-” He swallowed.

His stomach turned, and suddenly he felt actually sick.

He looked over to Ted. Beautiful, stunning Ted, with soft, sparkling eyes.

“I can’t tell you, dude.”

Ted nodded, looking dejected.

“You’re my best friend, dude,” Ted offered. “Nothing could make that change,”

“I can’t tell you.” Bill groaned, curling up even smaller than he was before.

It was quiet for a while.

Ted silently scooted closer to Bill again, placing an arm around his friend’s shoulder. Bill flinched, hard, and let out a ragged breath.

He slowly relaxed into Ted’s grip.

They were quiet again for a while.

“I think we should go inside,” Ted suggested quietly after Bill had calmed down.

Bill’s fingers were numb and his feet had pins and needles.

“Okay,” Bill whispered. He let Ted pull him up off of the floor, and he ignored how Ted’s fingers are so, _so_ warm in his. He pulled his hand out of Ted’s faster than he should.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

They’ve been in the same spot for a while now, and Bill keeps finding it harder and harder to think with Ted just looking at him like that. He can’t put his finger on it, but there’s just something about Ted’s eyes.

Bill is trying so hard not to think about Ted’s eyes. He knows it’s wrong, so wrong, but why does it fill his stomach with these little butterfly jitters? He’s already beat it into his head so many times. He knows what he is.

 _They are most excellent eyes_ , Bill thinks to himself, looking at Ted as soon as the other looks away. They’re deep and brown, and they’ve got this beautiful honeyed glow in the last rays of sunset that are stretching through the window.

Bill thinks his favorite color could be amber.

He lets the corner of his mouth tilt up and he closes his eyes. He lets himself be self-indulgent for a moment. He thinks about Ted.

He lets out a sigh and opens his eyes, only to jump back in surprise. Ted was standing over him.

“You gonna murder me, dude?” Bill jokes nervously. He tried to calm his racing heartbeat, certain Ted could hear it by now.

Ted blinks his eyes slowly, gazing at Bill softly. Beautiful, lovely, excellent Ted.

“I want to know something, dude.” Ted begins, sitting down on the bed next to Bill.

Bill glances over at him, staring silently.

“I’m not as dumb as you think I am,” Ted speaks in Bill’s silence.  
“I know you think that I’m this dumbass stoner, and in some ways I am,” He pauses to look at Bill, and Bill feels a shiver run up his spine.

“I do not think you’re a dumbass,” Bill pauses. “I do think you’re a stoner. That’s only ‘cause I’ve seen you smoke pot though.”

Ted’s shoulders give a little shrug that Bill knows to be a laugh.

“Look, Bill,” says Ted, turning his entire body toward Bill, “I’m an idiot sometimes, I know that. I don’t always pick up on things that easily. This, though,” He stops to motion at Bill, sprawled out on the bed, “I hate to break it to you, dude, but you’re not that subtle. You’re acting most egregiously.”

Bill nodded slowly, head falling. “Yeah, I know.”

Ted shook his head, dark locks falling around his face.

“I’m not gonna push you, dude, but you need to sort yourself out. You can tell me anything."

Bill sits up, having suddenly had an idea.

“Like a bandaid?”

As he asks, he can feel the adrenaline coursing through him. He feels lighter than a kite, and his stomach is sinking like a lead balloon.

Ted nods sharply.

“Like a bandaid.” He confirms.

“Ted, I’m-” He stops, feeling his throat close up.

“Bandaid.” Ted reminds him, setting his hand on the bed.

“I’m a fucking fairy, okay?” His voice breaks and Bill tries throws himself backward, to get away from Ted because _surely_ he knows what that means. He _knows_ Ted knows what it means. 

Ted stops him, grabbing at his wrist, and Bill follows Ted's arm all the way up to his strange intense gaze. 

“Okay.”

With that, Ted pulls him close to his chest and hugs him.

Bill is aware that his eyes burn, and fuck, he feels like there’s still something wrong with him.

He’s got Ted though. He lets his eyes rest on Ted’s hair as he breathes out heavy, and he feels Ted run a hand down his back.

Bill squeezes Ted around his middle as hard as he can.

“I’m not going anywhere, Bill.”

God, Bill wants to kiss him.

He knows he can’t.

Bill pulls back, and it almost feels painful.

“Ted, dude.”

Ted breaks into a beautiful, blinding smile. He laughs, bubbly and sweet.

“Bill, dude.”

Bill feels his eyes crinkle up.

“Why would you-”

Bill doesn’t know how to say what he’s trying to say.

“You don’t think I’m-?” He doesn’t know how to finish the question.

Ted’s face flushes and turns red, and Bill thinks he’s beautiful.

He watches the blush spread from Ted’s high cheekbones down past his shoulders. It’s on his ears too.

“I’ve always thought that-” Ted tries. It doesn’t work. Bill could see his brain working.

“Those videos we watched at school?” Ted says finally, “The ones where it’s all ‘Robert has a disease’?” Bill looks at him confused, and for a second he doesn’t remember.

“He’s a homosexual?” Ted tries again.

Bill remembers now. He nods carefully.

“The thing is,” Ted speaks a little softer, trying to catch Bill’s eye.

“I don’t feel predatory.”

Bill stops. His breathing slows.

“What do you-”

“Bill, I feel like this,” One of Ted’s hands creeps up the back of Bill’s neck. It’s so warm, and Bill can feel it tangle in his curls.

“I feel these butterflies, and I want to make him feel safe.” Ted finishes.

He leans in close, and he tilts his head. Bill is certain his heart skips a beat.

“Do I make you feel safe?” Ted questions, his mouth inches from Bill’s.

Bill can feel him breathing into his mouth, and God, this is more than he thought he’d get.

Bill moves his hand up to Ted’s chest, and he thinks about it. He thinks about pushing Ted away, and telling him it was all some joke.

He’s not a fairy, and he’d give Ted a way out, pretending that he knew all along that Ted was joking.

Bill had seen Ted’s eyes. They were glittery, and honest and real. His hand rested on Ted’s collarbone now.

How did he feel?

He felt warm and tingly all over, and most of all, he felt safe.

“Yeah,” He finally murmurs, and that’s it because he has all five fingers of his right hand in Ted’s Van Halen shirt and he pulls as hard as he can and-

Ted’s mouth meets his own and it’s soft and warm, and there’s music still playing in the background. Bill feels Ted’s fingers tighten in his hair, and he makes a small noise into Ted’s mouth. It’s soft and perfect and safe. It's kind of strange because at the same time, Bill is incredulous and terrified, and he's also enjoying this far too much. 

Ted pulls back for a minute to look at Bill.

“Shit, dude,” is all he says, before pulling Bill into him again.

This kiss was different from the first one, hot and full of electricity. Bill yelped as Ted nipped one of his lips, and tugged the lower one into his mouth. Bill turns his head to the side, and Ted pulls his hair, and fuck, Bill doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He slides the hand fisting in Ted’s shirt into his friend’s hair, and Ted’s hand comes up to cup his jaw. It's all so fast, fast, fast and-

“Fuck-” Bill quakes, and it’s lost against Ted’s mouth.

The kiss was getting more intense and desperate by the second, and suddenly, Ted’s mouth is off of his and it's on his neck, and Bill keens because Ted is pressing these sloppy, open-mouthed kisses down to his pulse point.

Bill is still so fucking confused as to what to do with his hands, and he’s trying not to think.

Ted leans back away from Bill and looks at him.

Bill must look a fucking mess, and he tries to say so, but his voice hitches on the way out of his mouth because Ted looks so beautiful.

“You’re so beautiful,” Bill murmurs instead, reaching out a hand, and trying to trace Ted’s jawline. Ted smiles, and takes his hand with both of his, and presses it to his cheek.

Bill can feel the smile on Ted’s cheek. _I_ _s this what physical intimacy feels like?_ Bill feels so shaky, and he knows Ted can feel it too.

A sudden pang of doubt strikes through him.

“What if this is wrong?” He voices, an ugly nervousness twisting its way through his belly. “You’re not supposed to be beautiful to me.”

Ted’s eyes are half-lidded, and there’s a trace of an understanding smile playing its way across his face. He leans close to Bill again.

“What’s wrong with being beautiful?”

He’s in Bill’s personal space again, and damn, it’s worse this time.

It’s worse because this time, he knows how soft those lips are on his own.

“What if it’s wrong?” Bill asks him softly.

Ted shoves Bill backward, straddling him on the small bed, and _fuck_ , Bill thinks, _that’s hot._

“It’s not wrong,” Ted whispers against Bill’s lips. Bill tries to rise and meet him, but Ted places a hand on his chest and pushes him back down. He leans over Bill again.

He’s breathing into Bill’s mouth again, teasing him.

“You feel this?” Ted asks, trailing his other hand up to Bill’s neck. “Your heartbeat?” He looks Bill in the eyes, an intense look on his face.

Bill swallows thickly and nods.

“What’s it doing?” Ted asks patiently, sliding a knee between Bill’s legs.

“Fast,” Bill manages, sounding a little strangled.

“It’s fast,” He corrects, and his head feels like it’s spinning.

Ted nods, leaning his head closer to Bill’s. He presses a soft kiss to Bill’s lips, and Bill feels his stomach jump.

“You feel that?” Ted asks tentatively, mouth hovering over Bill’s again.

“The kiss or-” Bill starts, feeling dumb.

“The kiss,” Ted confirms.

Bill nods.

“Did you wanna push me away?” Ted asks, and Bill’s getting distracted because Ted is drawing these small circles along his bare side with his left hand.

“Fuck no, dude,” Bill breathed out, starting to feel overwhelmed

“Then why is it wrong?” Ted asks.

Bill threads his hands into Ted’s hair and pulls him down.

Ted makes this little, surprised, squeak, and kisses him back bruisingly.

Bill lets out a groan, and he knows this is a bad idea. He broke the kiss and flipped them over, and now he’s looking down at Ted.

Ted’s sitting there with his hair fanned out on the bed, and Bill doesn’t think Ted could ever look bad, because his hair looks like an angel’s halo.

He leans forward to kiss him quickly and pulls away.

He wants to make Ted’s pulse leap and pound the same way Ted did to him.

Bill puffed a hot breath into the junction between Ted’s neck and jaw and dragged his teeth down his neck.

Ted let out a faint cry, and tilted his head back, giving Bill more room.

Bill playfully bit at the spot again.

Bill felt Ted shiver, and he pressed a kiss to Ted’s neck.

“You like that?” Bill asks softly, really meaning it, and the words are right up against Ted’s throat.

Ted made a tiny noise, and Bill could feel Ted’s fingers scrabbling for purchase against his scalp.

They caught in Bill’s curls, and he pulls Bill up to him again.

“I can’t-” Ted sighs into Bill’s mouth.

“We can’t do _this_ right now,” Ted says when they pull away.

Bill nods, feeling slightly relieved.

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” Bill admits.

“Most heinous,” Ted breathes.

They sat silently as they tried to calm down.

Ted sighs softly and pulls Bill to him gently.

“We’ll do this again tomorrow, right?” He asks in Bill’s ear.

Bill shivers despite himself. He turns his face to meet Ted for another kiss, soft and slow. He cups Ted’s jaw, tender and warm.

“Yeah,” He sighs into Ted’s mouth. Ted pulls him down into the bed again, and he curls around Bill, letting his hands rest over the exposed skin that Bill’s cropped top didn’t cover.

He buries his nose in Bill’s curls, and Bill could feel this excited laugh bubble up inside of him.

It spilled out slightly, and he let out a gleeful sort of snort.

“Ted,” He says, reaching down to grab one of Ted’s hands.

"Bill," Ted echoes back.

Their fingers intertwine.

He doesn’t have to say anything else.

He feels Ted exhale into his hair.

Bill falls asleep like that, smiling and content.

He’d figure out the rest tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, thank you for reading!!! I just am really addicted to this fandom and I have been meaning to write something for it for a while now, so it would mean a lot if you guys want to comment or anything! keep in mind you don't have to, but if you just wanna scream in the comments about Bill and Ted and I am totally open to screaming with you. 
> 
> :D I hope you liked it!!!
> 
> ps: hi riannah :>


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